Thy Must Cheat!!!!

I want you to imagine happiness.I'm not asking for the things that make you happy, materialistic or otherwise, I want you to imagine happiness in person. Give happiness a physical manifestation. What would happiness look like to you? In my mind, happiness is a woman. No,happiness is a babe. Happiness is 6"1, she has dark skin. She's a nice moderate C cup, a perfect 360 degree behind, the type only Anime cartoonists can sketch. Happiness has no ethnicity, no homeland, she's not tied down to any tribe or race. She is perfect to a fault. Everything I've ever dreamt about. Happiness has Tyra Bank's height, Kerry Washington's lips, Scarlett Johanssen's face, Eva Mendes's ass, Whitney Houston's voice, Helen Mirren's timelessness and Alicia Key's soul. She is the one I truly believe is for me.

Now, I know her, I want her, she should be mine. I should experience happiness in all her glory for the rest of my life... But the truth is I may never meet her. Rather, and this is the case of the majority of mankind, I will more likely end up with her sister, Acceptance. Acceptance is the older sister of happiness. She is the one that men settle for. She's not as fine, nowhere as elegant, and though all our lives, we crave the being that is her younger sister, we more often than not end up wit her. We do not know this at first. When we're young, we all believe happiness is our birthright. We were not brought to earth to be the companions of acceptance, why should we? After all, why settle for average? We swear on everything precious that we shall never succumb to acceptance.

Acceptance is not an option in the beginning, its happiness or othing. "She will be mine! I will love and cherish her and she will reciprocate this, letting me bask in all her splendour and magnificence!" But then we start to age, or as those who have gone before us term it, 'mature'. We start to see life for what it really is and we slowly begin to  realise that happiness is not meant for all of us. Yes, there are a select few who will tickle her fancy. Some of us will meet happiness head on and force her to bend to our will. She will submit to our advances and stay with us, sometimes temporarily, others as a life mate.

And there are some of us she will laugh off our proposals. She will haughtily turn her back on us and let us know that we're not in her league. At that time, when we think all is lost, acceptance shall embrace us. Yes, we can't have her sister, but she's still there for us. She cannot give us all the pleasures her younger sibling can grant us, but she will not leave us hanging high and dry.

Acceptance will not give me a mind blowing fellatio, only her sister will do that. Acceptance will refuse the threesome I propose, she does not indulge in that. She will let me bang though, but not how I want it. And who am I to complain, its her or nothing. People go through life with acceptance. She's not what they wanted, but what they got. The man with the extraordinary football skills who ended up as a banker, the girl with the magical voice who works as a secretary, the couple who married each other for convenience sakes, the talkative chap who would be perfect for radio, but works as a computer analyst, all these people were rejected by happiness and eloped with acceptance.

Acceptance will pay the bills. She will enable us have some semblance of a normal life. Acceptance will keep us safe, provide security and keep up necessary appearances. But she can never be her sister. She cannot be or give happiness. I'm writing this because today, after all my fighting and struggling, I fear happiness has failed to hear me. For some reason, she's just not that into me, doesn't care for my propositions. Thus, I have relented to the call of her sibling. I and acceptance have come to a mutual agreement. It hurts like fucking hell, but I think I've given in to acceptance. I am a man however. I must cheat, its genetically encoded into me. So,happiness, you bitch, we're not done yet. I may currently be nvolved with your sister, but don't for a second think that I've given up on you.

Happiness shall be my girl, whether the bitch is into me or not. To everyone one who has settled, given up on happiness and yielded to acceptance, I pray you all find more strength and forge on. Tell acceptance that this, this is NOT why we are here.

Goodnight. I, of course, remain  A FIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION

Untitled 08/08/11

Head VS Heart or Heart VS Head????????????? i cant believe i am confused or rather undecided about a simple title to a blog, well you read it and decide.
Usually i am not a type of person to go all jelly weak in the kneel cos cupid shot a damn arrow (by the way tell that friggin dude i am gaan break his neck when i see him in person..............baby cherub or not). When it comes to matters like office romance i am a green finger leaf, not inexperience per say but i have always being undecided.....................you know GREY area kind of thing.
Funny how easy it is to judge or criticize others when you are not in their shoes, but when you get to experience it...........................Ha Ha it becomes a new kind of view (3D MAX).
Dont get me wrong, i am not against office romance neither am in support but now i dont know anymore, i am a victim!!!!!
I used to be a cool, calm and collected kind of guy, but it took one chance meeting and two lunch dates to change all that.................principle outta the window, heart in place of my head :( if you know what i mean. All the fibres in my body be screaming NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  i  swear my ears have formed an alliance with my heart................one word DEAF.
                      i always see her from afar wearing that look they all wear, i mean young executives trying to get to the top of their game......................confident, determined and a tad sassy,but all that changed after the first chat.
Like to describe her in detail but with all the confused emotion and mixed signals i feel right now, heaven knows that 'partial' is just a tip of the iceberg. Aside from being strikingly beautiful, her figure is all a monk needs to change his mind about celibacy...............the lushy lips, ample bossom, disarming smile and a walk to kill............... ern erm  Sa'id you can like to focus now if you gaan get this stuff done!! sorry about the distraction - but not really sorry per say, i just said it because my kind of job demands you apologise for no reason at all, you probably wondering what kind of shitty job is that? not to worry if you've ever called a customer care line then you know what i mean...............shit there i go again rambling and she aint even here. FOCUS !!!!!!! Ok ! Ok !! "Earth to Mars, do you copy"

              My case aint that of "boy meets girl, boy likes girl" kinda thing but it similar......................Hmmmm Lord save me !! (Mumu button activated).

             Cant tell when it all began but i sure know it changed after i spent the night at her  place................cancelled chicken order, substituted with chocolates.....one thing led to the other sha and i had to crash. For those of you with mind like gutter, sorry to burst your bubble but sleep was all we i we did. She was kind enough to let me sleep in one of her T-Shirt, that engulfing smell of her was the closest to paradise................how i so fantasized about those Jolie's kinda lips too bad i had to play the perfect gentleman guest.
        After hours of deep convo i felt i have found my soulmate...............Oya this is the part you pour a bucket of cold water on me, but not to worry even the hot one wont have any effect, this feeling has got to stop, schizophrenic disorder aint got nothing on what i feel, Banky W's strong thing has never felt so good.

   Come to think of it, it seem the feeling is MUTUAL (or am i seeing things) the stolen glances, the gentle touch , prolonged laughter etc.................well lets just hope she is laughing with me and not the other way round, http://www.jonzing.com/  right? but i swear there is definately a spark or why else would Work, Twitter, WhatsApp, SMS and calls be the order of the day? The time spent apart are still spent together virtually wirelessly, i have never appreciated my BB more.

     I ask myself ..........is it possible to feel this much for someone after 288 hours? i feel a new world record coming on and dont dare tell me its infatuation or something of the like, trust me i have a degree in every one of these side feelings: Obsession, Infatuation, Fling, Pity Sex you name it but i cant seem to tag this one.
             Being with her doing absolutely nothing is everything to me..............have i caught the BUG? when is this feeling going to stop, i am like a love sick puppy (did i just use the L-Word?) if i say i didnt like it then you know i lied..............Hmmmm issorai, issokay..............TO BE CONTINUED

There is Nothing Special About Me !!!

So here I am seated on the passenger’s side of the car taking my regular three hours trip from point A to point B, this has been an a an habit since I started my new job. Did I mention I had to fight in order to ride shot gun!!!!  (Ye Shall Not Judge). After hours of delay, watching vehicle after vehicle get stuffed with passengers…………..I refused but insisted I go with this particular car, so you understand the reason for protecting the seat with my life , ok maybe I lied.

          Into the journey armed with nothing but my earphones and spare battery, yes I am addicted to music like that…………I have heard this particular song playing like a gazillion times but funny enough I just listened to it today……and oh my was it inspiring or what, I could feel the lyrics squeezing my heart and pulling the strings of emotions. Bursting open the gates of some pent up stuff synonymous to the pursuit of happiness, under achievement, fear and uncertainty.  In a nut shell I found my missing fluctuating confidence. It’s a song by Kelis FT Cee Lo, LIL’Star ………………….yeah it’s that song.

          Trust me you got to hear listen again, I will attach a download link at the end of this blog but I will still go ahead and write my own version, that’s the version with revised lyrics of course….

“There is nothing special about me

I am just a little star

If it seems like I'm shining brightly

It's probably a reflection of something you already are

I forget about myself sometime When there's so many other around

When deep inside you feels darkest That is where I can always be found

Just keep trying and trying

It's just a matter of timing

Though the grinding is tiring

Don't let 'em stop you from smiling

Just keep trying and trying

Sooner or later you'll find it

It's surprising how inspiring

It is to see you shining

Cause in the dark of the night

 you're all i can see and

you sure look like a star to me

There is nothing special about me

I am just a lil star

If you try to reach out an touch me

you'll see I'm not really that far

I may not be the brightest nor am I the last one you’ll see

 But as long as you notice, that’s just fine with me

 Everything is just fine with me

There is nothing special about me

I am just a lil star

I’ve been running and jumping, but barely  getting over the bar I plan on being much more than I am but that's in due time

 But until then I'm guilty, and being human is my crime

 Being human that is my crime ……………….”

Now approaching my stop, until then I’ll prolly see you guys next week or the next time I take my regular trip.

PS: I’m too tired to bother about the customary GBAGAUN warning……………I am just a figment of your imagination

Download song here

Conversations

Chinneye: *Screaming at the top of her voice* How could you do this to me?

Ebuka: *Straight Face* Do What!

Chinneye: *Gasps!!!...................and replies with emotion laden voice* Love me and leave me, the love I ain’t so sure but you leaving me is as clear as the moon on a cloudless night.

Ebuka: I didn’t stop loving you, I can’t, I left because…………. I love you.

Chinneye: Left, Ebuka, Left (emphasis on left) I thought you were leaving, not knowing you were gone already; cant we atleast try to salvage what is left.

Ebuka: I am sorry but I cant , I cant even promise you friendship. That’s how far gone I am.

Chinneye: Don’t you dare use that “Self Righteous” voice on me, I am done letting you mess with my head. Seriously Ebuka, tell me what happened; was the SEX not good enough or was I not good enough for you? Tell me I need to know.

Ebuka: Snickers……………….. The sex!!! I mean…….don’t even go there, it was only once and it doesn’t count.

Chinneye: you condescending son of a bitch, may “Amadioha” shred your soul to pieces. How dare you say that, after violating the sanctity of my body *Sobbing*

Ebuka: Whispering “Cupcake” (her pet name I presume) I don’t mean it like that. You know I was always down for the necking………………..but SEX ……shivers and shakes his head; you decided to take the field of play below the belt.

Chinneye: Raging fiercely and screaming at the top of her voice again…………… No matter how well you treat a dog, it still goes back to its VOMIT, well “Mr Self Righteous” I never told you this but I was warned that you were nothing but trouble, a Chauvinist and an Egoistic Bastard. Yes I was warned but I thought you could change, alas…………………Taking a man out of the slum was the easiest part.

SILENCE!!!!!!!!!!! SILENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!! SILENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At this point I had to adjust my position by the window I was standing…………..but all I heard was Silence…….. Labored breathing………..and more Silence. I think Chinneye scored one on Ebuka’s Ego. Just as I was about to give up on my “Aproko” duty, I heard Ebukas voice amidst sobs……….

Oh I see…………. This completes the puzzle……………clears throat, now I know why I get questioned for every phone call I receive from the opposite sex, the missing text messages and call logs………….. so you are responsible? Mmm…mhm my own personal firewall or should I say call blocker…………answer me you pathetic insecure BITCH!!!!

I should have known, I guess it’s too late, so listen and listen real hard; *in a voice close to whispers* my mother had a child out of wedlock at the age of eighteen……………..and that was the end of her education, the end of her dreams and the end of what could have being’s.

She settled for an unplanned marriage (if you call it that) filled with pain, hate and resentment. She became his punching bag, received murderous beatings for claims that she denied him the life he deserved and for stealing his dreams. HE of course is her husband, my FATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Insert Nigerian Movie Sound Theme for Effect*

My legs were killing me but I dare not make a sound for fear of being discovered………………..oh bite me!!!!!!!! now my bladder too. And then I heard Chinneye’s voice almost inaudible…………… I’m sorry, you never told me this. She reached for him but he backed out and continued, but this time in a firm voice. I made a vow not to put any woman through my mother’s ordeal. After we had sex, not just sex, but unprotected sex I was scared, so scared for you I forgot how to love you again.

She walked up and gave him a hug, I never knew this was how you feel, I’m so sorry.

Wait!!!!!!!!!!!! did Ebuka just GRIN??????????????

TO BE CONTINUED

Finally,its my Twitter Buffday!!!

Finally, its my twitter buffday!!!!! 365 days, 8760 hrs, 525600 mins.(yels ke, you see things quantitatively after studying Physics for 5 years) and what have i got to show for it: 265 friends, 164 followers, 4132 tweets, 2 lists. Hmmmm not bad since i used to think FaceBook was the best invention after Google. Aint it funny how twitter is so much like High School "errmm make i no form" secondary school i mean to say, where you've got cliqs and things. How you desperately try to get peoples attention or how some folks wont tweet at you cos your tweets aint followed by "From Ubertwitter" or "Twitter for Blackberry", piece of advice; www.deydere.com, me i am #TeamNokia like that.Its a place where you meet the 'Have beens', 'Still Beeing', and the 'WannaBes'. Funny how folks be tweeting "BE down in a sec, gotta get sumfin upstairs" when na bungalow you dey. But as @na2baba talk am, Nobody holy pass. i've got a few i am guilty of, the kind you CAT as #feelamongtweet. All them tweets about football and tennis - ha ha ha- one word/ sentence - all na lie (i no dey watch am). How about "Cereal for Breakfast" Ni Bo (for where) na ogi and things boys dey swallow, ok then before we lose track of things "He without sin should cast the first stone"

Hmmm...........thinking back to my first day on twitter (which is highly synonymous to my first day in school) i was like 140 characters for what????? abi na my settings. wait wait or better still my favourite twitter term "Parkwell", dont blame me now, on FaceBook we've got space for WAEC/ NECO english essay (420 Words na beans) but #isthatwhywearehere. Then came the @ sign (mention), # sigh (Harsh tag), RT, TT ati be be lo. i was completely lost but as a KD sharp guy now, i applied for Tweetorials S/O to my tweacher @eggheader.

Yawns, its 3:15am (Reality Check), i knew it; i was never going to finish this - distracted as usual!!!!!!! but Serz, i am grateful to my Twifam, including those who aint following me......lol. They make twitter what it is, FUN. Imaging having a bad day and logging on to twiiter you see convos like "adahnna: buying akara near by RT @Swagnificient LMAO RT @Rikokomasta: woke up with a boner this morning" you cant help but laugh your sorrow away, or my personal favourite Twitter Fights - those things can be so Hilarious. i am sure you guys still remember "I know what you did for BB". About the TT's, i know its quite simple but tell that to a newbie/ FaceBook convert e.g #RantaboutANTS, and you have those TT's that get you laughing even before you hit the keypad/keyboard like #joor #DearFutureWife #CelebPerfumes #onlyin9ja #ThingsthatmakemeSMH etc. Good, that reminds me of twitter abbreviations, at first i thought it was some new kind of programming language CYDM, SMH, KMT, BYOB, KMFT,FB, LMBO.

But all thesame, life goes on. No matter how many people i try to convert from FB to twitter, they never get past the Welcome page.....SMH abi...........Big S/O to all my TWIFAM ori yin pe joor. If you've read this far then i owe you an apology, it aint even my Twitter Buyday yet, its just one of my futile attempt to #feelamong, you know try my hands at this thing called Blogging - Gotcha!!!!!!!! but if my SORRY/ PELE/ BIKO/ YANKURI no do you then you can like go down the street go hug Nepa transformer and give birth to independent power sources.

PS: For the Gbagaun hunters, dont bother my word processor being screaming PISHAUN all morning. i remain @s_Hotzs

There is no hope !!!!!!

You watch her as she slips through
your grasp,
you don't even try to save it,
you've tried before and yet you're still
here watching it all fade away.
So you figure trying is useless.
It hurts, an indescribable pain seldom
letting you think or rest.
You look around.
You’re searching, searching for any
sign of hope any sign at all.
You should know better, she keeps
telling you even as she slides through
your fingers,
"THERE IS NO HOPE"
I guess we're all stubborn that way,
or are the stakes too high?
Besides she's as important as life
itself.
For you there is no difference.
They are one and the same.
She defines you. She is you.
But that was how you felt a while ago.
All you feel now is failure.
Control??? What about it?
You thought if you tried hard enough
one day life would reward you.
Wake up! Smell the coffee, take a sip.
Nope!! You aren’t in Disney land.
You’ve lost control.
And for one brief second you realize
and accept the truth
"you were never in control"
You've fought, you've run a good
race,
too bad you came last.
"Loser Loser" you hear her chanting at
you.
All you want to do is prove her wrong.
You wish you could win that trophy
just so you could rub it in her face.
But there is no fight left in you.
So all you do is lay down on the grass
and watch her slip away,
taking with her everything.
She is careful to leave nothing behind.
She is very thorough, methodical if
you wish.
What is left of you closely resembles
the darting flame from a candle being
blown by the wind.
you are but a shadow of your former
self, She has left you.
There is no hope. Do not be
disillusioned, there is indeed!! NO
"HOPE"
P.S you can bark like a mad dog but
when the time comes there's nothing
left to do but let go.