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Friday, January 7, 2011

Conversations


Chinneye: *Screaming at the top of her voice* How could you do this to me?

Ebuka: *Straight Face* Do What!

Chinneye: *Gasps!!!...................and replies with emotion laden voice* Love me and leave me, the love I ain’t so sure but you leaving me is as clear as the moon on a cloudless night.

Ebuka: I didn’t stop loving you, I can’t, I left because…………. I love you.

Chinneye: Left, Ebuka, Left (emphasis on left) I thought you were leaving, not knowing you were gone already; cant we atleast try to salvage what is left.

Ebuka: I am sorry but I cant , I cant even promise you friendship. That’s how far gone I am.

Chinneye: Don’t you dare use that “Self Righteous” voice on me, I am done letting you mess with my head. Seriously Ebuka, tell me what happened; was the SEX not good enough or was I not good enough for you? Tell me I need to know.

Ebuka: Snickers……………….. The sex!!! I mean…….don’t even go there, it was only once and it doesn’t count.

Chinneye: you condescending son of a bitch, may “Amadioha” shred your soul to pieces. How dare you say that, after violating the sanctity of my body *Sobbing*

Ebuka: Whispering “Cupcake” (her pet name I presume) I don’t mean it like that. You know I was always down for the necking………………..but SEX ……shivers and shakes his head; you decided to take the field of play below the belt.

Chinneye: Raging fiercely and screaming at the top of her voice again…………… No matter how well you treat a dog, it still goes back to its VOMIT, well “Mr Self Righteous” I never told you this but I was warned that you were nothing but trouble, a Chauvinist and an Egoistic Bastard. Yes I was warned but I thought you could change, alas…………………Taking a man out of the slum was the easiest part.

SILENCE!!!!!!!!!!! SILENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!! SILENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At this point I had to adjust my position by the window I was standing…………..but all I heard was Silence…….. Labored breathing………..and more Silence. I think Chinneye scored one on Ebuka’s Ego. Just as I was about to give up on my “Aproko” duty, I heard Ebukas voice amidst sobs……….

Oh I see…………. This completes the puzzle……………clears throat, now I know why I get questioned for every phone call I receive from the opposite sex, the missing text messages and call logs………….. so you are responsible? Mmm…mhm my own personal firewall or should I say call blocker…………answer me you pathetic insecure BITCH!!!!

I should have known, I guess it’s too late, so listen and listen real hard; *in a voice close to whispers* my mother had a child out of wedlock at the age of eighteen……………..and that was the end of her education, the end of her dreams and the end of what could have being’s.
She settled for an unplanned marriage (if you call it that) filled with pain, hate and resentment. She became his punching bag, received murderous beatings for claims that she denied him the life he deserved and for stealing his dreams. HE of course is her husband, my FATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Insert Nigerian Movie Sound Theme for Effect*

My legs were killing me but I dare not make a sound for fear of being discovered………………..oh bite me!!!!!!!! now my bladder too. And then I heard Chinneye’s voice almost inaudible…………… I’m sorry, you never told me this. She reached for him but he backed out and continued, but this time in a firm voice. I made a vow not to put any woman through my mother’s ordeal. After we had sex, not just sex, but unprotected sex I was scared, so scared for you I forgot how to love you again.
She walked up and gave him a hug, I never knew this was how you feel, I’m so sorry.
Wait!!!!!!!!!!!! did Ebuka just GRIN??????????????

TO BE CONTINUED

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Finally,its my Twitter Buffday!!!

Finally, its my twitter buffday!!!!! 365 days, 8760 hrs, 525600 mins.(yels ke, you see things quantitatively after studying Physics for 5 years) and what have i got to show for it: 265 friends, 164 followers, 4132 tweets, 2 lists. Hmmmm not bad since i used to think FaceBook was the best invention after Google. Aint it funny how twitter is so much like High School "errmm make i no form" secondary school i mean to say, where you've got cliqs and things. How you desperately try to get peoples attention or how some folks wont tweet at you cos your tweets aint followed by "From Ubertwitter" or "Twitter for Blackberry", piece of advice; www.deydere.com, me i am #TeamNokia like that.Its a place where you meet the 'Have beens', 'Still Beeing', and the 'WannaBes'. Funny how folks be tweeting "BE down in a sec, gotta get sumfin upstairs" when na bungalow you dey. But as @na2baba talk am, Nobody holy pass. i've got a few i am guilty of, the kind you CAT as #feelamongtweet. All them tweets about football and tennis - ha ha ha- one word/ sentence - all na lie (i no dey watch am). How about "Cereal for Breakfast" Ni Bo (for where) na ogi and things boys dey swallow, ok then before we lose track of things "He without sin should cast the first stone"

Hmmm...........thinking back to my first day on twitter (which is highly synonymous to my first day in school) i was like 140 characters for what????? abi na my settings. wait wait or better still my favourite twitter term "Parkwell", dont blame me now, on FaceBook we've got space for WAEC/ NECO english essay (420 Words na beans) but #isthatwhywearehere. Then came the @ sign (mention), # sigh (Harsh tag), RT, TT ati be be lo. i was completely lost but as a KD sharp guy now, i applied for Tweetorials S/O to my tweacher @eggheader.

Yawns, its 3:15am (Reality Check), i knew it; i was never going to finish this - distracted as usual!!!!!!! but Serz, i am grateful to my Twifam, including those who aint following me......lol. They make twitter what it is, FUN. Imaging having a bad day and logging on to twiiter you see convos like "adahnna: buying akara near by RT @Swagnificient LMAO RT @Rikokomasta: woke up with a boner this morning" you cant help but laugh your sorrow away, or my personal favourite Twitter Fights - those things can be so Hilarious. i am sure you guys still remember "I know what you did for BB". About the TT's, i know its quite simple but tell that to a newbie/ FaceBook convert e.g #RantaboutANTS, and you have those TT's that get you laughing even before you hit the keypad/keyboard like #joor #DearFutureWife #CelebPerfumes #onlyin9ja #ThingsthatmakemeSMH etc. Good, that reminds me of twitter abbreviations, at first i thought it was some new kind of programming language CYDM, SMH, KMT, BYOB, KMFT,FB, LMBO.

But all thesame, life goes on. No matter how many people i try to convert from FB to twitter, they never get past the Welcome page.....SMH abi...........Big S/O to all my TWIFAM ori yin pe joor. If you've read this far then i owe you an apology, it aint even my Twitter Buyday yet, its just one of my futile attempt to #feelamong, you know try my hands at this thing called Blogging - Gotcha!!!!!!!! but if my SORRY/ PELE/ BIKO/ YANKURI no do you then you can like go down the street go hug Nepa transformer and give birth to independent power sources.

PS: For the Gbagaun hunters, dont bother my word processor being screaming PISHAUN all morning. i remain @s_Hotzs