Where Is The Good In Goodbye?

#NP How do I tell her ► R.Kelly, something must be wrong with my music player, it’s like the fourth time this song is playing....it’s either i set it on repeat unknowingly or I have got a shitty playlist.....#shikenan, but the dreadful part is me relating to the song or vice versa. How do you tell someone you don't love them anymore....true love is a feeling u can't quantify....things would have been a lot easier. If it goes like;' hey, I am outta love' just like your gas or DSTV subscription....but as it is with everything human........... Complications d(0_0)b.......Don't get me wrong here , I am not going to do the whole cliché thing even if it kills me.....'It aint you but me kind of line' but I need to tell her.

 »»»»»»»»»»»»»» WHO IS HER???? >>>>>>>>>>>

 I met oluchi at a fast food joint, as usual I was in company of friends and of course they are girls. There she was looking so sweet with a confused look on her face, I prolly figured her guy stood her up.......how do I up my game? No asking for digits of course or else Tinam will have my balls for dinner....yels oh she is mother Hen like that. So I waited for the time-window frame, all ya physicist know what I am talking about - Schrödinger Eqn, she just won't stop staring at the door, picked up her phone and hit speed dial......a ten seconds conversation ensured and she cursed out openly....such vulgarities from such a small mouth....and of course that gave me a solution to my Time- space conundrum. I quickly wrote on the paper napkin 'if he makes u curse then he aint worth it...add me 31E2***' walked up to her and said 'this napkin is for your tears but read the message before soiling it'. She read it....nah no guy is worth my tears……..but thanks all the same was her response......for a VGBG that was all I needed, a convo starter....and I said not even tears of joy, I bet u aint shed those in a while..... She looked up and smiled....I see you don't give up easily....my name is Lizzy but Oluchi to strangers, have a seat pls.

My name is Kelvin, and Kelvin it is to strangers too, too bad I can't take up your offer.....see that feisty girl over there...the one in the pink gown, that's my girlfriend and she is pretty furious......call me I said to her as I mouthed out my digits.   Back to my table, Tinam was all over me with her look of disgust and of course the mandatory EFCC questions...who was that? I feigned ignorance and ask if she was ready to leave....was kinda mad at her, not for the whole personal bodyguard role she likes to play but for the hole her friend was about to put in my pocket with her take away request.

It was a week after the whole debacle at the joint that I received a call from a strange number. Just closed from work and dead tired, can't wait to get home to my warm bed. I picked the phone and at once I knew who the caller was.....Lisa, Linda, Lydia......just can't remember her name (yes I am bad with names like that). I am ready to take you up on your offer....the tears of joy stuff.....and I went.... excuse me, who am I speaking with?  For a while I thought I hit the end button cause of the silence. Then I heard the voice....so you forget easily, never mind I called, take care....and I was like.....you wish!!! Wats up oluchi? Hope u good? Where u @?

I am on seventh street, opposite that MTN billboard, can you come pick me? I heard desperation in  her voice......and as a gentleman, the first rule is never to ignore a damsel in distress. Did a sharp u-turn without regard for the traffic lights but who cares, this is Naija.

Hello Chic where are you, I am parked across the street, Blue car, white neon Headlights

Dunno if it’s you I see, but.......did you just put off your headlights? okay I see you.

Few minutes later she was in my car looking all hawt and sexy........hello there stranger?

And she goes is it ok if I sleep at your place tonight?

Erm Erm…...you want to sleep at my place? You don’t even know me?

Never mind i knew it was the wrong move, just drop me off at the next stop.

Okay Okay, my God you are Feisty!!!!!! You want to sleep over, then sleep it is.

Hope i am not getting in the way of anything?

Nah, not to worry, nothing i can’t handle.

Here i am with a strange lady, not thinking of anything but the show down.........men agro na bastard sha, since i aint getting any from Tinam at the moment, then this must be manna from heaven.

We barely made it to my place before she jumped on me, she was all over me, kissing and fondling.........chai, this is the life (Rick Ross's voice).........

I didn't even bother taking off my clothes. As soon as the bedroom door was shut, i drew her forcefully to myself. She felt my member against her thigh and fought hard to hide her delight. She wondered if i was getting it from my woman.......

As i stroked her breasts through her shirt i whispered, "No bra. You came prepared." She had obviously.No panties either, she said.

I swiftly pulled her shirt over her head, freeing her dainty breasts and sunk my lips onto them, biting her nipples. Hard!!!

From the response i got i knew she liked it........Hmmmm, rough sex, i haven’t had that in a while.

 She noticed the slippery, sticky feeling between her upper thighs........

Putting my arms around her waist, i lifted her onto the bed. She spread her legs and looked at me invitingly...

...she hadn't expected me to go down on her or for it to be that good. My tongue bedazzled her and felt like it had always been a part of her, her lips welcomed me, she coated my face with.......

…...I stopped just as suddenly as I’d started. Without further ado I unzipped my pants, brought out the thing and started the ride. Grabbing her arse and pulling her in one direction, i thrust fervidly in the other. I slammed myself into her groin harder and deeper, It was brutal. It was intense. It was painful. It was paradise.

The next time she was on top, dictating the tempo......

This of course was 6 months ago.....now i have had enough of the ‘fuckbuddy’ thing, she misunderstood SEX for BONDING and LUST for LOVE, i am done i am out but how do i tell her? Honestly i have grown fond of her, the calmness, the petite shape, spotless set of teeth and a stride that could break necks..............

I tried, trust me, i tried so hard but i just can’t replicate that feeling, she should have known better than to cross the line...you don’t mix business with pleasure.

How do you know when's the right time to throw in the towel? What do you say when it's all said and done? Where do you go to sort out your feelings? When nothing is like it was

There's no easy way to break somebody's heart, I couldn't keep this thing from falling a part

So this is me saying goodbye...............before you judge me:

"Let He without Sin Cast the First Stone"

BORING BOREDOM

In my 26 years of existing on this wonderful planet of ours, i have experienced myriad moods and mood swings. My life, just like your life, can be traced on a graph (don't know why anyone would want to do that, though, prolly the physicists among us) and i am sure it will lead to startling observations (no, not really). The observation, if i may call it so, would be that most part of my life i have lived getting bored. Now, boredom has this infinite quality about itself that puts it in a range of emotions, yet in no emotion at all. So, it is the most stable part of that graph, yet the most restless!

As i sit cuddled up on the sofa, armed with my BB and ofcourse my earphones (The Whole World Out, My Happy Place In J), experiencing the variety of that emotion yet again, i realized that there are various types or branches of boredom, and i am actually bored enough to type them down so that you can read them when you are equally bored. All the best!

1. Bashful boredom : This kind of boredom, as the name rightly suggests, is shy. It is so because it cannot be brought out to the open. Like it is boring to sit at a relatives place or attend a wedding where you know no one. Everyone has experienced this kind of boredom and though it is killing, you really can't tell anyone that you are bored! So, you need to bashfully hide it behind layers of smiles and pancake and pretend to enjoy every moment of the time that refuses to pass. Sigh!

2. Benign boredom : Now, this kind of boredom comes to you when you really need it. Like when you've been under a lot of stress and working very hard, boredom seems like such a huge relief, as this is the time you have nothing to do. So, you can just relax and enjoy the moment as it flies by!

3. Brooding boredom : For many of us, this is the boredom that makes us feel like Plato and Socrates. Basically, brooding boredom just makes us brood and brood, and when we're bored of that, then brood some more. Now, what one broods about is completely that person's wish. It could be anything ranging from the most practical, like when i brood about what it entails to pursue hapiness; to the most impractical, like if i turn into a Nolly Hollywood star. But the interesting thing about this kind of boredom is that the brooding never stops. Each time you brood, new doors of your imagination open and a chain reaction ensues. There are also some people who make a profession out of this and call it 'ideation'.

4. Begetting boredom : Of all the various kinds of boredom, this is definitely the most productive. I mean it was nothing but this that actually made Newton discover gravity. Only a person who is bored to death could have the time and enthusiasm to wonder why on earth an apple fell down and not flew up! Also, Archimedes was definitely equally bored if not more, to figure out the displacement of water theory in the middle of a bath. And then there is always the fact, that it is this begetting boredom and nothing else that makes me put up such wonderful posts (erm erm, if i may say) for your kind perusal (so much for modesty!).

5. Bloodthirsty boredom : This boredom could kill you. It comes, it stays and it doesn't leave till you beg for mercy. This and nothing else could make me pick up my Encyclopedia and read it, as only when it finds that you are doing something even more dreadful, does it leave you. This is the boredom that is making you read this post! It comes when you really want to do something but can't think of anything worth doing. Its attacks are sudden and dangerous and you really have to be well prepared to deal with them.
(p.s. i still have that Encyclopedia, in case anyone needs it)

6. Bonding boredom : I have noticed that nothing brings people together like boredom. It is like a bond that has the power to create sororities and fraternities, but mostly its bonds are anything but sisterly/brotherly. It can make you like even the weirdest of persons because both of you are equally bored! So you find company to share your boredom with and once the boredom bonding you is gone, you couldn't run away from those people fast enough!

7. Binge boredom : I must confess that i am a victim of this branch of boredom. Basically, it is when you are so bored that all you do is eat and stare at the ceiling (that is, when you are not staring at food). It makes any food and all food taste good. Whoever said that hunger is the best source sauce got it all so wrong. Bings boredom consists of mainly the following steps : you frown and stare at empty space - you frown and go to the kitchen - you smile if there is good food there or frown if there isn't and you just have to each bread n butter - you do not frown while eating (more like hogging) - you frown when its over - you do not frown when you get more to eat - you frown coz you are too full by the end of it and feel 10 kgs heavier - you frown cause once again you are bored.

8. Blamed boredom : This poor chap is the one we blame when we are caught doing something we actually like, but are ashamed to admit it. Like a man blaming boredom for getting his eyebrows threaded or how i blame boredom to watch tv. I am sure all of us at some point of time or another used boredom as an excuse to get away when we have been caught doing things that our friends might consider 'weird', 'uncool' or something similar.

9. Braveheart boredom : This is when boredom bores you to such an extent that you are ready to do anything just to get out of it! It gives you this sense of willingness to go ahead and climb mount everest so that you have something to do and kill time with. Even the weakest of cowards turn into Hercules when inflicted with this boredom. I have a good feeling that 80% of the wars in history were fought because the leader were highly bored and the soldiers too had nothing better to do.

10. Boring boredom : Boredom that bores you falls in this category. It is when you are bored of being bored and that bores you even further. Like the time after exams when one feels absolutely jobless. After the initial hysteria and excitement is over, it is very boring to know that one has nothing to do now. And this boredom can really get on your nerves and bore you further after a point of time.

Now that I have bored you enough, i think i will go to sleep before i bore myself any further with this boring post! Till then, happy getting bored :D

Alone, But not Lonely

I walk a lonely road the only one that I have ever known......Don't know where it goes but its home to me and I walk alone. You’ve probably heard that line a thousand and one times over....well go figure? I get a funny feeling it comes from deep inside I get all mad and angry, wanting to go and hide. He (my doctor) calls it depression; people say it's just me. But these thoughts (SMH) and feelings, no one will ever think or feel :( Some say I'm psycho, some say I'm just weird. It's like I'm a different person, the old me just disappeared. I get really edgy and want to end it real bad, or am I dead already? Then I get an a headache, the Headache, followed by a sad feeling. I wish I could get help! I wish it would go away!! I wish I could go away!!! Start a journey in solitude and end it in oblivion. Maybe if I prayed real hard (snickers), It will some day, I will someday, until then.........I walk a lonely road, but I’m not Alone.

Your Letter

I saw the little package lying on the floor, its not possible u forgot it because u re always meticulous when it come to things like this. Tryna surprise me? Nah I don't think so....u know I don't do well with surprises, so I figured it was something that you must've left......... Left there for me to find. Without hesitation I tore open the brown envelope that will change my life....our lifes forever.......

All your words were on that page

All my dreams came true that day

I found your letter;.It said you loved me

But you didn't know the words to say

It said you never knew that you could ever feel this way

It said you only wish someday that I would feel the same.

Wait..... is that why she's being so distant lately.......fear of rejection I presume; I've to call her now; tell her I feel the same. My heart won't stop pounding.....oh Lord this is heaven!!!!

I guess it just never occurred to me

That you would feel the way I did

You kept the sweetest secret from my heart

You kept those feelings in

Though you never showed a sign

Give a clue to what I'd find Inside.

I was so happy that I almost cried

To think that you would think of me that way

It's like you took my sweetest dream

And made that dream come true

I would be with you Always...

But then I saw a name I didn't recognize

I felt the tears come to my eyes

Seeing that the love that you've been longing for Was another love, not mine

No, you never showed a sign

But it was right there in the lines

Inside Your letter.

It said you loved him

But you didn't know the words to say

It said you never knew that you could ever feel this way

It said you only wish someday that he would feel the same

I can't believe I played the fool again *sighs*...four years gone down the drain, how I wish things would have happened differently....I have always wondered where the good in goodbye was......

Love's Coming

I don't usually write mushy mushy stuff, but after doing a 10hrs shift with nothing but stressful monotonuos repetion of instructions to dumb customers, my brain won't shut down and I need this sleep the way a junkie needs a fix.....so imma play a mind game on me...yels myself...so I am going to conjure a mushy poem and hope it tricks the two buggers 'Head & Mind'....I ve got a .....never mind I will just go ahead and spill...I pray it soothes ur aching heart or not.

She had looked for his coming as warriors come,

With the clash of arms and the bugle's call;

But he came instead with a stealthy

tread Which she did not hear at all.

She had thought how his armor would blaze in the sun,

As he rode like a Prince to claim his bride;

In the sweet, dim light of the falling

night She found him at her side.

She had dreamed how the gaze of his strange, bold eye

Would wake her heart to a sudden glow;

She found in his face the familiar

grace Of a friend she used to know.

She had dreamed how his coming

would stir her soul,

As the ocean is stirred by the wild

storm's strife; He brought her the balm of a

heavenly calm, And a peace which crowned her life.

Nw I go thru this write up and ask myself....this is so....dunno?

 Did I just drop my fone? Finally its here...Cmmon come take me away...ciao

See ya in dreamland :(

Whatever you do....I still remain a figment of ur imagination.

Tomorrow_ in_ A_ Bottle.

There are two days in every week
that we should not worry about, two
days that should be kept free from
fear and apprehension.
One is yesterday, with its mistake
and cares, its faults and blunders, its
aches and pains. Yesterday is gone, forever beyond our control.
All the money in the world cannot
bring back yesterday. We cannot
undo a single act we performed. Nor
can we erase a single word we've
said - yesterday is gone!
The other day we shouldn't worry
about is tomorrow, with it impossible adversaries, its burden,
its hopeful promise and poor
performance. Tomorrow is beyon our control.
Tomorrow's sun will rise either in
splendor or behind a mask of clouds
- but it will rise. And until it does, we
have no stake in tomorrow, for it is
yet unborn.
This leaves only one day - today. Any person can fight the battles of just
one day. It is only when we add the burdens of yesterday and tomorrow
that we break down.
It is not the experience of today that
drives people mad - it is the remorse
of bitterness for something which
happened yesterday, and the dread
of what tomorrow may bring.
Let us, therefore, live one day at a
time! and put tomorrow in a bottle.

Thy Must Cheat!!!!

I want you to imagine happiness.I'm not asking for the things that make you happy, materialistic or otherwise, I want you to imagine happiness in person. Give happiness a physical manifestation. What would happiness look like to you? In my mind, happiness is a woman. No,happiness is a babe. Happiness is 6"1, she has dark skin. She's a nice moderate C cup, a perfect 360 degree behind, the type only Anime cartoonists can sketch. Happiness has no ethnicity, no homeland, she's not tied down to any tribe or race. She is perfect to a fault. Everything I've ever dreamt about. Happiness has Tyra Bank's height, Kerry Washington's lips, Scarlett Johanssen's face, Eva Mendes's ass, Whitney Houston's voice, Helen Mirren's timelessness and Alicia Key's soul. She is the one I truly believe is for me.

Now, I know her, I want her, she should be mine. I should experience happiness in all her glory for the rest of my life... But the truth is I may never meet her. Rather, and this is the case of the majority of mankind, I will more likely end up with her sister, Acceptance. Acceptance is the older sister of happiness. She is the one that men settle for. She's not as fine, nowhere as elegant, and though all our lives, we crave the being that is her younger sister, we more often than not end up wit her. We do not know this at first. When we're young, we all believe happiness is our birthright. We were not brought to earth to be the companions of acceptance, why should we? After all, why settle for average? We swear on everything precious that we shall never succumb to acceptance.

Acceptance is not an option in the beginning, its happiness or othing. "She will be mine! I will love and cherish her and she will reciprocate this, letting me bask in all her splendour and magnificence!" But then we start to age, or as those who have gone before us term it, 'mature'. We start to see life for what it really is and we slowly begin to  realise that happiness is not meant for all of us. Yes, there are a select few who will tickle her fancy. Some of us will meet happiness head on and force her to bend to our will. She will submit to our advances and stay with us, sometimes temporarily, others as a life mate.

And there are some of us she will laugh off our proposals. She will haughtily turn her back on us and let us know that we're not in her league. At that time, when we think all is lost, acceptance shall embrace us. Yes, we can't have her sister, but she's still there for us. She cannot give us all the pleasures her younger sibling can grant us, but she will not leave us hanging high and dry.

Acceptance will not give me a mind blowing fellatio, only her sister will do that. Acceptance will refuse the threesome I propose, she does not indulge in that. She will let me bang though, but not how I want it. And who am I to complain, its her or nothing. People go through life with acceptance. She's not what they wanted, but what they got. The man with the extraordinary football skills who ended up as a banker, the girl with the magical voice who works as a secretary, the couple who married each other for convenience sakes, the talkative chap who would be perfect for radio, but works as a computer analyst, all these people were rejected by happiness and eloped with acceptance.

Acceptance will pay the bills. She will enable us have some semblance of a normal life. Acceptance will keep us safe, provide security and keep up necessary appearances. But she can never be her sister. She cannot be or give happiness. I'm writing this because today, after all my fighting and struggling, I fear happiness has failed to hear me. For some reason, she's just not that into me, doesn't care for my propositions. Thus, I have relented to the call of her sibling. I and acceptance have come to a mutual agreement. It hurts like fucking hell, but I think I've given in to acceptance. I am a man however. I must cheat, its genetically encoded into me. So,happiness, you bitch, we're not done yet. I may currently be nvolved with your sister, but don't for a second think that I've given up on you.

Happiness shall be my girl, whether the bitch is into me or not. To everyone one who has settled, given up on happiness and yielded to acceptance, I pray you all find more strength and forge on. Tell acceptance that this, this is NOT why we are here.

Goodnight. I, of course, remain  A FIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION

Untitled 08/08/11

Head VS Heart or Heart VS Head????????????? i cant believe i am confused or rather undecided about a simple title to a blog, well you read it and decide.
Usually i am not a type of person to go all jelly weak in the kneel cos cupid shot a damn arrow (by the way tell that friggin dude i am gaan break his neck when i see him in person..............baby cherub or not). When it comes to matters like office romance i am a green finger leaf, not inexperience per say but i have always being undecided.....................you know GREY area kind of thing.
Funny how easy it is to judge or criticize others when you are not in their shoes, but when you get to experience it...........................Ha Ha it becomes a new kind of view (3D MAX).
Dont get me wrong, i am not against office romance neither am in support but now i dont know anymore, i am a victim!!!!!
I used to be a cool, calm and collected kind of guy, but it took one chance meeting and two lunch dates to change all that.................principle outta the window, heart in place of my head :( if you know what i mean. All the fibres in my body be screaming NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  i  swear my ears have formed an alliance with my heart................one word DEAF.
                      i always see her from afar wearing that look they all wear, i mean young executives trying to get to the top of their game......................confident, determined and a tad sassy,but all that changed after the first chat.
Like to describe her in detail but with all the confused emotion and mixed signals i feel right now, heaven knows that 'partial' is just a tip of the iceberg. Aside from being strikingly beautiful, her figure is all a monk needs to change his mind about celibacy...............the lushy lips, ample bossom, disarming smile and a walk to kill............... ern erm  Sa'id you can like to focus now if you gaan get this stuff done!! sorry about the distraction - but not really sorry per say, i just said it because my kind of job demands you apologise for no reason at all, you probably wondering what kind of shitty job is that? not to worry if you've ever called a customer care line then you know what i mean...............shit there i go again rambling and she aint even here. FOCUS !!!!!!! Ok ! Ok !! "Earth to Mars, do you copy"

              My case aint that of "boy meets girl, boy likes girl" kinda thing but it similar......................Hmmmm Lord save me !! (Mumu button activated).

             Cant tell when it all began but i sure know it changed after i spent the night at her  place................cancelled chicken order, substituted with chocolates.....one thing led to the other sha and i had to crash. For those of you with mind like gutter, sorry to burst your bubble but sleep was all we i we did. She was kind enough to let me sleep in one of her T-Shirt, that engulfing smell of her was the closest to paradise................how i so fantasized about those Jolie's kinda lips too bad i had to play the perfect gentleman guest.
        After hours of deep convo i felt i have found my soulmate...............Oya this is the part you pour a bucket of cold water on me, but not to worry even the hot one wont have any effect, this feeling has got to stop, schizophrenic disorder aint got nothing on what i feel, Banky W's strong thing has never felt so good.

   Come to think of it, it seem the feeling is MUTUAL (or am i seeing things) the stolen glances, the gentle touch , prolonged laughter etc.................well lets just hope she is laughing with me and not the other way round, http://www.jonzing.com/  right? but i swear there is definately a spark or why else would Work, Twitter, WhatsApp, SMS and calls be the order of the day? The time spent apart are still spent together virtually wirelessly, i have never appreciated my BB more.

     I ask myself ..........is it possible to feel this much for someone after 288 hours? i feel a new world record coming on and dont dare tell me its infatuation or something of the like, trust me i have a degree in every one of these side feelings: Obsession, Infatuation, Fling, Pity Sex you name it but i cant seem to tag this one.
             Being with her doing absolutely nothing is everything to me..............have i caught the BUG? when is this feeling going to stop, i am like a love sick puppy (did i just use the L-Word?) if i say i didnt like it then you know i lied..............Hmmmm issorai, issokay..............TO BE CONTINUED

There is Nothing Special About Me !!!

So here I am seated on the passenger’s side of the car taking my regular three hours trip from point A to point B, this has been an a an habit since I started my new job. Did I mention I had to fight in order to ride shot gun!!!!  (Ye Shall Not Judge). After hours of delay, watching vehicle after vehicle get stuffed with passengers…………..I refused but insisted I go with this particular car, so you understand the reason for protecting the seat with my life , ok maybe I lied.

          Into the journey armed with nothing but my earphones and spare battery, yes I am addicted to music like that…………I have heard this particular song playing like a gazillion times but funny enough I just listened to it today……and oh my was it inspiring or what, I could feel the lyrics squeezing my heart and pulling the strings of emotions. Bursting open the gates of some pent up stuff synonymous to the pursuit of happiness, under achievement, fear and uncertainty.  In a nut shell I found my missing fluctuating confidence. It’s a song by Kelis FT Cee Lo, LIL’Star ………………….yeah it’s that song.

          Trust me you got to hear listen again, I will attach a download link at the end of this blog but I will still go ahead and write my own version, that’s the version with revised lyrics of course….

“There is nothing special about me

I am just a little star

If it seems like I'm shining brightly

It's probably a reflection of something you already are

I forget about myself sometime When there's so many other around

When deep inside you feels darkest That is where I can always be found

Just keep trying and trying

It's just a matter of timing

Though the grinding is tiring

Don't let 'em stop you from smiling

Just keep trying and trying

Sooner or later you'll find it

It's surprising how inspiring

It is to see you shining

Cause in the dark of the night

 you're all i can see and

you sure look like a star to me

There is nothing special about me

I am just a lil star

If you try to reach out an touch me

you'll see I'm not really that far

I may not be the brightest nor am I the last one you’ll see

 But as long as you notice, that’s just fine with me

 Everything is just fine with me

There is nothing special about me

I am just a lil star

I’ve been running and jumping, but barely  getting over the bar I plan on being much more than I am but that's in due time

 But until then I'm guilty, and being human is my crime

 Being human that is my crime ……………….”

Now approaching my stop, until then I’ll prolly see you guys next week or the next time I take my regular trip.

PS: I’m too tired to bother about the customary GBAGAUN warning……………I am just a figment of your imagination

Download song here

Conversations

Chinneye: *Screaming at the top of her voice* How could you do this to me?

Ebuka: *Straight Face* Do What!

Chinneye: *Gasps!!!...................and replies with emotion laden voice* Love me and leave me, the love I ain’t so sure but you leaving me is as clear as the moon on a cloudless night.

Ebuka: I didn’t stop loving you, I can’t, I left because…………. I love you.

Chinneye: Left, Ebuka, Left (emphasis on left) I thought you were leaving, not knowing you were gone already; cant we atleast try to salvage what is left.

Ebuka: I am sorry but I cant , I cant even promise you friendship. That’s how far gone I am.

Chinneye: Don’t you dare use that “Self Righteous” voice on me, I am done letting you mess with my head. Seriously Ebuka, tell me what happened; was the SEX not good enough or was I not good enough for you? Tell me I need to know.

Ebuka: Snickers……………….. The sex!!! I mean…….don’t even go there, it was only once and it doesn’t count.

Chinneye: you condescending son of a bitch, may “Amadioha” shred your soul to pieces. How dare you say that, after violating the sanctity of my body *Sobbing*

Ebuka: Whispering “Cupcake” (her pet name I presume) I don’t mean it like that. You know I was always down for the necking………………..but SEX ……shivers and shakes his head; you decided to take the field of play below the belt.

Chinneye: Raging fiercely and screaming at the top of her voice again…………… No matter how well you treat a dog, it still goes back to its VOMIT, well “Mr Self Righteous” I never told you this but I was warned that you were nothing but trouble, a Chauvinist and an Egoistic Bastard. Yes I was warned but I thought you could change, alas…………………Taking a man out of the slum was the easiest part.

SILENCE!!!!!!!!!!! SILENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!! SILENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At this point I had to adjust my position by the window I was standing…………..but all I heard was Silence…….. Labored breathing………..and more Silence. I think Chinneye scored one on Ebuka’s Ego. Just as I was about to give up on my “Aproko” duty, I heard Ebukas voice amidst sobs……….

Oh I see…………. This completes the puzzle……………clears throat, now I know why I get questioned for every phone call I receive from the opposite sex, the missing text messages and call logs………….. so you are responsible? Mmm…mhm my own personal firewall or should I say call blocker…………answer me you pathetic insecure BITCH!!!!

I should have known, I guess it’s too late, so listen and listen real hard; *in a voice close to whispers* my mother had a child out of wedlock at the age of eighteen……………..and that was the end of her education, the end of her dreams and the end of what could have being’s.

She settled for an unplanned marriage (if you call it that) filled with pain, hate and resentment. She became his punching bag, received murderous beatings for claims that she denied him the life he deserved and for stealing his dreams. HE of course is her husband, my FATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Insert Nigerian Movie Sound Theme for Effect*

My legs were killing me but I dare not make a sound for fear of being discovered………………..oh bite me!!!!!!!! now my bladder too. And then I heard Chinneye’s voice almost inaudible…………… I’m sorry, you never told me this. She reached for him but he backed out and continued, but this time in a firm voice. I made a vow not to put any woman through my mother’s ordeal. After we had sex, not just sex, but unprotected sex I was scared, so scared for you I forgot how to love you again.

She walked up and gave him a hug, I never knew this was how you feel, I’m so sorry.

Wait!!!!!!!!!!!! did Ebuka just GRIN??????????????

TO BE CONTINUED

Finally,its my Twitter Buffday!!!

Finally, its my twitter buffday!!!!! 365 days, 8760 hrs, 525600 mins.(yels ke, you see things quantitatively after studying Physics for 5 years) and what have i got to show for it: 265 friends, 164 followers, 4132 tweets, 2 lists. Hmmmm not bad since i used to think FaceBook was the best invention after Google. Aint it funny how twitter is so much like High School "errmm make i no form" secondary school i mean to say, where you've got cliqs and things. How you desperately try to get peoples attention or how some folks wont tweet at you cos your tweets aint followed by "From Ubertwitter" or "Twitter for Blackberry", piece of advice; www.deydere.com, me i am #TeamNokia like that.Its a place where you meet the 'Have beens', 'Still Beeing', and the 'WannaBes'. Funny how folks be tweeting "BE down in a sec, gotta get sumfin upstairs" when na bungalow you dey. But as @na2baba talk am, Nobody holy pass. i've got a few i am guilty of, the kind you CAT as #feelamongtweet. All them tweets about football and tennis - ha ha ha- one word/ sentence - all na lie (i no dey watch am). How about "Cereal for Breakfast" Ni Bo (for where) na ogi and things boys dey swallow, ok then before we lose track of things "He without sin should cast the first stone"

Hmmm...........thinking back to my first day on twitter (which is highly synonymous to my first day in school) i was like 140 characters for what????? abi na my settings. wait wait or better still my favourite twitter term "Parkwell", dont blame me now, on FaceBook we've got space for WAEC/ NECO english essay (420 Words na beans) but #isthatwhywearehere. Then came the @ sign (mention), # sigh (Harsh tag), RT, TT ati be be lo. i was completely lost but as a KD sharp guy now, i applied for Tweetorials S/O to my tweacher @eggheader.

Yawns, its 3:15am (Reality Check), i knew it; i was never going to finish this - distracted as usual!!!!!!! but Serz, i am grateful to my Twifam, including those who aint following me......lol. They make twitter what it is, FUN. Imaging having a bad day and logging on to twiiter you see convos like "adahnna: buying akara near by RT @Swagnificient LMAO RT @Rikokomasta: woke up with a boner this morning" you cant help but laugh your sorrow away, or my personal favourite Twitter Fights - those things can be so Hilarious. i am sure you guys still remember "I know what you did for BB". About the TT's, i know its quite simple but tell that to a newbie/ FaceBook convert e.g #RantaboutANTS, and you have those TT's that get you laughing even before you hit the keypad/keyboard like #joor #DearFutureWife #CelebPerfumes #onlyin9ja #ThingsthatmakemeSMH etc. Good, that reminds me of twitter abbreviations, at first i thought it was some new kind of programming language CYDM, SMH, KMT, BYOB, KMFT,FB, LMBO.

But all thesame, life goes on. No matter how many people i try to convert from FB to twitter, they never get past the Welcome page.....SMH abi...........Big S/O to all my TWIFAM ori yin pe joor. If you've read this far then i owe you an apology, it aint even my Twitter Buyday yet, its just one of my futile attempt to #feelamong, you know try my hands at this thing called Blogging - Gotcha!!!!!!!! but if my SORRY/ PELE/ BIKO/ YANKURI no do you then you can like go down the street go hug Nepa transformer and give birth to independent power sources.

PS: For the Gbagaun hunters, dont bother my word processor being screaming PISHAUN all morning. i remain @s_Hotzs